Everyone says travel opens your mind, that you’ll see amazing sites, meet great people and form lifelong friendships. You will experience different cultures and taste amazing and exotic foods. Well I’m here to reassure you that they are all wrong, travelling sucks and you should never do it. Here are ten reasons why:
Reason Number 1
Why travel the world to taste exotic dishes when eventually culture will just come to you. Your local Chinese serves great chips and I’m sure there’s an Indian restaurant down the road that serves kebabs. That’s authentic food, so why bother travelling half way around the world to experience authentic Japanese Sushi or eat exotic tropical fruits. Waste of time and energy.
Reason Number 2
There is no need to travel to see amazing things, just turn on the National Geographic Channel and you’ll end up seeing most of the world in one evening. Plus with Google Street view you can explore most cities from your own laptop. Who needs to experience things first hand anymore, stare up at an African night sky or walk through an Indian market?
Reason Number 3
Travelling is expensive, so why would you give up a job stacking shelves in the supermarket for something as stupid as seeing a different country. Be sensible and stick it out, because one day you might become the Manager.
Reason Number 4
Your skin can’t handle hot weather; it makes you come out in red spots. In fact you can’t really handle cold weather either, so the best bet is to stay just where you are. What’s wrong with grey skies and a summer that lasts just two weeks anyway?
Reason Number 5
You have more than enough friends as it is. You don’t need to ruin your social scene by talking about the great sites you just visited or the amazing experiences you just had. Far better to focus on the more important things in life, like the fact that your neighbour has the biggest TV you’ve ever seen.
Reason Number 6
Your money won’t go far if you’re travelling in China or any number of other countries in the world. Fifty cents for tasty street food is just too overpriced and why would you want a tailored suit for $100? Better to spend the night at your local bar buying drinks for $10 a shot.
It’s been proven that English is the best language in the world because everyone around you is speaking it. There’s no point in trying to learn another language and risk learning about new cultures. It’s more important to fill your head with useful facts, like what’s on TV this week.
Having an adventure or an unforgettable experience is over rated. In fact it’s completely forgettable, so there’s no need to skydive in New Zealand or swim with a Great White in South Africa. What fun would that be? Better to stick to the monotony of your regular 9 to 5.
People who smile and invite you into their homes are probably paedophiles. Anyone who is being generous probably wants something from you. The best thing to do is to surround yourself with people who never smile and look completely miserable, at least then you’ll know you’re safe.
Like a cat you have nine lives, so what’s the point in making the most of this one. Don’t worry; you can always push the boat out when you come back for round two. It’s not as if you might end up looking back and regretting the opportunities you missed.
Phew, that was hard! Now onto 1001 reasons why travel will change your life